Five Confessions....

I love naps....can I get an "amen!" ?? Especially after a long, cold day at work! Nothing like curling up in my warm bed and recharging for a bit.

I still take broken things to my parents to have them fix them. I mean I'm sure I could figure it out, but, I like it better when they can fix them...Yes, I am five...and maybe a *little* spoiled...

My first thought every morning, is "How soon can I go back to bed?"

I have more purses than should be allowed by law. It's ridiculous really....But I.Just.Can't.Stop. =)

Every year for Halloween, I say I'm going to have a costume party, and I never do...*maybe* this year....Or not....

One of those nights..

My heart is sorta heavy tonight....

Sometimes, its hard being a single girl...

I'm not the girl who is afraid of being alone...obviously. I've been divorced almost a year now, and most days, I'm so busy, that I don't even think about it.

But then, there's other days, when I just wonder if this is the way it will always be. Those are the days I have to stay away from all Nicholas Sparks books and movies....for real...especially "The Notebook." I'll cry for 2 days after that movie...

Totally normal, I think. Or that's the story I'm sticking to.

I wonder what God has planned for me...and I wonder if I'm patient enough to see His plan. Waiting is hard for me. Always has been. I'm trying to get better at it.

But tonight....its just one of those nights...

Diagnosis:Fibro

I never wake up on time. Truthfully. I NEVER wake up on time. I want to. I want to be a morning person. I do. I want to wake up early, in a good mood and get my day started. I want to be early for work, completely pulled together, every aspect of an outfit pulled together, my concentration in full affect. And it would all start with waking up on time. I try. I do. I set multiple alarms. I have an app that monitors my sleep and tries to wake me up during a period where I am more likely to "wake up refreshed." It barely wakes me up, but then I promptly fall back asleep.  I am not refreshed. I am not awake, and I am not in the mood to get out of my warm, comfy bed. And goodness, gracious, please don't let it be gloomy outside. That really makes me want to roll over and go back to sleep. I've tried going to be earlier. But it doesn't matter. I can sleep 14 hours straight and turn around and go right back to bed. Not that going to bed early really works for me. My brain doesn't shut off until about 1 am...

When I finally roll myself out of bed, and I do mean roll myself, I make noises like an 85 year old man. Seriously. I think I have an inner senior citizen inside that wants out. I am trying to suppress her, but I don't know how much longer I can. She wants out...badly.

I am tired all the time. I ache most of the time. And sometimes, I'm whiny. It started back in June. I went away to our church camp, and slept most of the week. Then a couple weeks later I had a bad case of bronchitis. It took me a while to get over that, and I blamed the before tiredness on the bronchitis. I went on a weekend trip to DC and I just couldn't keep up with everyone. Let me explain that I love going to DC. I enjoy walking from monument to monument, touring the museums and just being in the atmosphere of our capital city. But this trip, I was just wore out. I blamed it on being sick recently.

When I got back home, I expected to start feeling better after I rested up. But it didn't happen. And instead of feeling better, I just kept feeling worse. Much like having the flu all the time. I ached, my throat was sore all the time, multiple headaches/migraines a week and extreme fatigue.

I went to the doctor. Lab results came back normal. I kept being told to "treat the symptoms, come back in a few weeks if you aren't feeling well." Finally, I couldn't handle it anymore. I was on the verge of tears all the time because I felt so bad.

I went to work one day, and felt like I had a fever. I went to the urgent care. Strep test was negative. But based on my symptoms, they decided to run some other tests. Lyme's disease, RA, Lupus, and some others. I'll admit, I was worried. None of those things sounded pleasant to say the least.

I was sent to a new doctor, who reviewed my test results from the urgent care and did a full medical history, and thorough examination. Since all the other things had been ruled out through various tests, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Not what I wanted to hear. I was hoping that it was just a virus of some type that would go away given a little more time. But all the same, I was glad to finally know what was going on with my body. That was in November.

I feel blessed that I have a doctor who works with me now. On the best days I only have a dull aching in my muscles and joints and lack of attention span. On the worst days, I feel like I have been in a massive car wreck, with sore, tight aching muscles, sore throat, fatigue, headaches, concentration/memory issues (fibro fog), increased clumsiness and on the verge of tears.

 I know that there are people who are far worse off than myself, and I feel blessed that while I don't feel like the old me, who had a lot of energy, who could clean a house all day and not need a break, who would rather be out doing things than inside laying down, I am not debilitated by this. I have to pace myself now. And I'm realizing that I have limits. I never thought I would slow down. I thought that I would always be on the go. I took a lot of things for granted, like feeling well.

Fibromyalgia is hard to explain to others. I don't "look sick" and most of the time, I don't "act sick." Fibro isn't a disease. It's considered a syndrome. It's said to be over active nerves that cause pain throughout the body. I'm still learning about it. But here's what I know it isn't. It isn't my imagination, or a way to get attention. It's not made up or "all in my head". It's real. The pain I have is real. The fatigue is real. The feeling as if not many understand, its real.

I think I can have more good days than bad. I will get there. I'm looking into things I can do to help my body feel the best that it can. To be the best version of me that I can be...whatever that is...

Isn't that all we can ask for?

Fab 5!

So, I am very late in posting this. But its funny, because I have had the hardest time trying to decide what 5 things I wanted to share with you.

So, these are the ones that I have chosen for this week....


This is my new favorite lotion. It smells great, and it makes your skin so very soft! They sell it at Kohl's and I got it at a great price!

I got this travel mug at St@rbucks the other day. You can make your own collage and insert it. I have some concert tickets that I think would make the it look really neat, and they serve as reminders of some really great time!

I bought this tote/purse at T@rget this weekend. I can't wait to carry it, but I want to wait a little closer to spring! Polka Dots are fast becoming a trend of mine! So cute and cheery!

This is the candle burning in my room all the time these days. It's strong and soft all at the same time. Now, if it would only bring snow to us! It's the middle of January and we are having 70 degree days!

And finally.......

Now that the Holidays are over...my tv shows are back!! I never miss my show! Every week, Once Upon a Time offers so many twists and turns, and never has a dull moment! Once is just one of the shows I enjoy. Others include Downton Abbey and Parenthood.

What are your favorites?

Just a few minutes...........in which my favorite word is awesome

Just a few minutes before I am out the door and on my way.........................

How is the new year treating you so far? Mine has been pretty good! I've been watching the live stream of Passion 2013. I've been so in awe of what Jesus is doing there, and it makes me want to be young enough to go next year...(but alas, I am not....) But the worship does make  me think of what Heaven will be like. Plainly put....Jesus is pretty awesome!

I've been able to enjoy the company of friends this week, and let me tell ya, I love my friends. I think I've been blessed with some pretty awesome ones. Like true, through thick and thin, always there best friends. Like know pretty much everything about me and still love me friends.... Awesome.

One of my favorite things to do, is every January reorganize my work space at my office. Yesterday I got my desk cleaned out/up and organized. Pretty *awesome* feeling. (Okay, now I'm just trying to use that word..)

And, I've already blogged more in the last 2 weeks than I did pretty much all year last year. Guess why that is....that's right...cause I'm *awesome*.....(Ha! Sorry, I just had to...)

And perhaps the new year is going to my head...

So for now, I will sign off....I've got some *awesome* things to go do...................

Look for a Fab 5 Friday tomorrow.....and be ready to link up, or tell me 5 of your faves!

It's Over...

As I write this, 2012 has less that 24 hours left in it. It's 12:15 am, on December 31st, 2012.  I'm not sure why it seems that time goes by so much faster when we are adults. I never remember it flying by so fast when I was younger. As with every year, 2012 brought its own set of challenges and changes. Not all bad, not all good. But I can say, that for the most part, I am content with where I am at. There are things that I want to do differently in 2013, and I will work on that, but change happens one step at a time. Then, before you know it, you've made many small steps that have led you to your destination.

The great thing is, every day we can wake up and decide who it is that we want to be that day. One of my favorite novels is "Anne of Green Gables" by L.M. Montgomery. In the novel, Anne has a saying, "Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it yet." I love that quote. But I believe that we can change things even minute by minute. Every breath that God gives us is a chance that we have to live and to change things if we need to. There once was a pirate, who may have been smarter than we have given him credit for, who told someone, "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." Thanks Captain Jack. Who knew a pirate was so wise.

So the bigger question is, have you really had a bad year, or have you just had a bad attitude about the year? Either way, 2012 is over (In about 23 and 1/2 more hours..). Tomorrow, if the Good Lord  wakes us up, we have a chance to make life better. For ourselves and for others.

What could you do to make the difference in 2013?

Time well spent

Today was a perfect day. B had spent the night last night, and we planned a full day. This morning started off with breakfast and a few games of Uno. B loves to play card games. And she hates to lose. So we had to keep playing until she won. We spent a little while just playing with her new toys. Her Hello Kitty CD and Karaoke machine is one of her new favorite toys.

Here is her singing debut of "Jingle Bells."

Pretty special.

We then went and got haircuts. She is so precious.

Then we ended the day with a movie. We went to see Monsters Inc 3-D. She feel asleep as soon as the opening credits began and slept through almost to the end. Bless her heart.

We had went shopping last night to Old N@vy, because they were having an awesome sale. She picked out the most darling fleece pea coat. She wore that coat all day today. Bless her. She loves it. I didn't get a picture of her in it today, we were just too busy.

Now its sleeting/snowing outside. Perfect. I love winter weather. As long as I don't have to be out driving in it.....