Diagnosis:Fibro

I never wake up on time. Truthfully. I NEVER wake up on time. I want to. I want to be a morning person. I do. I want to wake up early, in a good mood and get my day started. I want to be early for work, completely pulled together, every aspect of an outfit pulled together, my concentration in full affect. And it would all start with waking up on time. I try. I do. I set multiple alarms. I have an app that monitors my sleep and tries to wake me up during a period where I am more likely to "wake up refreshed." It barely wakes me up, but then I promptly fall back asleep.  I am not refreshed. I am not awake, and I am not in the mood to get out of my warm, comfy bed. And goodness, gracious, please don't let it be gloomy outside. That really makes me want to roll over and go back to sleep. I've tried going to be earlier. But it doesn't matter. I can sleep 14 hours straight and turn around and go right back to bed. Not that going to bed early really works for me. My brain doesn't shut off until about 1 am...

When I finally roll myself out of bed, and I do mean roll myself, I make noises like an 85 year old man. Seriously. I think I have an inner senior citizen inside that wants out. I am trying to suppress her, but I don't know how much longer I can. She wants out...badly.

I am tired all the time. I ache most of the time. And sometimes, I'm whiny. It started back in June. I went away to our church camp, and slept most of the week. Then a couple weeks later I had a bad case of bronchitis. It took me a while to get over that, and I blamed the before tiredness on the bronchitis. I went on a weekend trip to DC and I just couldn't keep up with everyone. Let me explain that I love going to DC. I enjoy walking from monument to monument, touring the museums and just being in the atmosphere of our capital city. But this trip, I was just wore out. I blamed it on being sick recently.

When I got back home, I expected to start feeling better after I rested up. But it didn't happen. And instead of feeling better, I just kept feeling worse. Much like having the flu all the time. I ached, my throat was sore all the time, multiple headaches/migraines a week and extreme fatigue.

I went to the doctor. Lab results came back normal. I kept being told to "treat the symptoms, come back in a few weeks if you aren't feeling well." Finally, I couldn't handle it anymore. I was on the verge of tears all the time because I felt so bad.

I went to work one day, and felt like I had a fever. I went to the urgent care. Strep test was negative. But based on my symptoms, they decided to run some other tests. Lyme's disease, RA, Lupus, and some others. I'll admit, I was worried. None of those things sounded pleasant to say the least.

I was sent to a new doctor, who reviewed my test results from the urgent care and did a full medical history, and thorough examination. Since all the other things had been ruled out through various tests, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Not what I wanted to hear. I was hoping that it was just a virus of some type that would go away given a little more time. But all the same, I was glad to finally know what was going on with my body. That was in November.

I feel blessed that I have a doctor who works with me now. On the best days I only have a dull aching in my muscles and joints and lack of attention span. On the worst days, I feel like I have been in a massive car wreck, with sore, tight aching muscles, sore throat, fatigue, headaches, concentration/memory issues (fibro fog), increased clumsiness and on the verge of tears.

 I know that there are people who are far worse off than myself, and I feel blessed that while I don't feel like the old me, who had a lot of energy, who could clean a house all day and not need a break, who would rather be out doing things than inside laying down, I am not debilitated by this. I have to pace myself now. And I'm realizing that I have limits. I never thought I would slow down. I thought that I would always be on the go. I took a lot of things for granted, like feeling well.

Fibromyalgia is hard to explain to others. I don't "look sick" and most of the time, I don't "act sick." Fibro isn't a disease. It's considered a syndrome. It's said to be over active nerves that cause pain throughout the body. I'm still learning about it. But here's what I know it isn't. It isn't my imagination, or a way to get attention. It's not made up or "all in my head". It's real. The pain I have is real. The fatigue is real. The feeling as if not many understand, its real.

I think I can have more good days than bad. I will get there. I'm looking into things I can do to help my body feel the best that it can. To be the best version of me that I can be...whatever that is...

Isn't that all we can ask for?